I'm So Tired

Last night was hilarious. What a refreshing, crazy night. I think I laughed for six hours straight. I got some crazy throat for sure, and my lack of voice shows it.


I needed a good laugh, because in all honesty, I feel like I'm going to burst. I'm like a water balloon that's filled beyond its capacity. The week ahead looks daunting, and I wish I was a sponge that could be squeezed of all this. I'm fed up with a lot, and wishing I could feel regret more than apathy. I feel calloused to the point where apathy is all I can muster, because the only regret I ever feel is things I didn't do or didn't say. People are going to make their own choices, and sometimes nothing you say or do will change it.


I have so much going on, that the parasitic presences existing in my life that were once tolerable, no longer are. I feel the big chapter turning in my life, and I'm becoming the person I'm going to be for the rest of my life. That's where I have to finally do what's right for me, and release what needs to go, and be at peace with what needs to stay. I feel used for having compassion on those that don't appreciate it, and defending those that wouldn't do the same for me. I feel walked all over, and it's a foreign feeling. Sometimes things you never thought would change, do. I can only view it as a door, or a path to something new. Tell the sixteen year old me what's going on, and she calls you a crazy liar. You tell her it's the truth, sad as it seems.Would she change the next few years though, knowing now what's going to happen? Nah, she wouldn't change it for the world.


And so, we learn from experience and experience new things everyday. That means we continue to learn--and though sometimes painful, always beneficial. Take these things in stride, and deal with things day by day. Pray for wisdom, and do the best you can. Everything happens for a reason, and rash, emotional, or dramatic ways of dealing with it will only make situations worse than they already are. Try not to victimize yourself, or plague yourself with a "woe is me" attitude, and assess situations before you react to them. Take advantage of the good resources that God has given you. They are there for a reason.

The eyes of the Lord search to and fro
For one who will serve him
By His Spirit letting him know, how much he adores him
So open your eyes, He's calling you by name
Remove the lies, they're holding you in chains
There's hope in the Holy God
By the Lamb that was slain
So open your eyes Open your eyes

They cried out to the Lord in their trouble; He saved them out of their distresses.--Psalm 107:19 We aren't thrown on this earth like dice tossed across a table. We are sovereignly and lovingly placed here for a purpose. God has given us a purpose for our existence, a reason to go on, even though that existence includes tough times. Living through suffering, we become sanctified--in other words, set apart for the glory of God. We gain perspective. We grow deeper. We grow up!


-Erin Glynn