Love: A Glance at the Definition, its Importance, and What Makes it Work.

As I was glancing over my Facebook mini-feed as I so often do, I couldn't help but notice all of the status updates about love and bustling changes of relationship statuses occurring. As I also tend to often to, I chuckled to myself when I saw each emotional display of e-ffection (Get it? har har). Maybe I chuckle because I just don't believe it because it was about a different person two weeks ago, or perhaps just because it's on Facebook, or maybe because I'm a heartless ice queen. It may be a healthy mixture of all three, but either way it made me begin to actually think about love. You may say, "Erin, what the heck do you know about love?"....which is a fair question, because the answer is--not much. What I do know is that there's a perfect blue print for love in the Bible, and that is exactly where I went to investigate. As I began to think further about love, I began to pose many questions: What is love exactly? How do you know when you love someone? How powerful is love, really? Why am I laughing at all of this? Is it that I don't even believe in love? If love is so great, why does it hurt so many people? I find it funny that I'm constantly surrounded by the concept of love, but found it unimportant to investigate and truly put into perspective what love is and how it works. Here's a few things I noted:

The Bible indicates that love is from God. In fact, the Bible says "God is love."

The Greek language (the language of the New Testament) uses two different words to describe and define love. The most commonly used Greek word translated "love" in the New Testament is "agape." This love is represented by God's love for us. It is a non-partial, sacrificial love probably best exemplified by God's provision for our rebellion:

"For God so loved (agape) the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish, but have eternal life. (John 3:16)

The gift of God's son as a provision for sin4 was given to all humans,regardless of who we are.God's love is unconditional.

In contrast, our love is usually conditional and based upon how other people behave toward us. This kind of love is based upon familiarity and direct interaction. The Greek word "phileo" defines this kind of love, often translated "brotherly love." Phileo is a soulish (connected through our emotions) kind of love - something that can be experienced by both believers and non-believers. This is in contrast to agape, which is love extended through the spirit. Agape love requires a relationship with God through Jesus Christ, since the non-regenerated soul is unable to love unconditionally. Agape love gives and sacrifices expecting nothing back in return.

In Peter's second epistle, he says that we are to behave with moral excellence. However, this is not enough. Christians tend to be characterized by non-believers as telling other people how they ought to behave. However, the Christian life should not be restricted to just moral excellence, but, above all else, should include both phileo and agape love:

Now for this very reason also, applying all diligence, in your faith supply moral excellence, and in your moral excellence, knowledge, and in your knowledge, self-control, and in your self-control, perseverance, and in your perseverance, godliness, and in your godliness, brotherly kindness [phileo], and in your brotherly kindness, love [agape]. (2 Peter 1:5-7)

The most famous biblical chapter on love is from 1 Corinthians:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. (1 Corinthians 13:1-13)

This is a description of apage love. It is described as being patient, kind, truthful, unselfish, trusting, believing, hopeful, and enduring. It is not jealous, boastful, arrogant, rude, selfish, or angry. True love never fails. The description perfectly fits God's love toward us, and should be the way we love each other and God.

The Bible says that this unconditional love is more important than everything else (a partial list includes oratory ability, prophecy, knowledge, faith, philanthropy and hope). All of these things, which are "good" things, will pass away. Only love is eternal, since love will be the basis of eternal life. In fact, when Jesus was asked what the greatest commandment was, He said, "YOU SHALL LOVE THE LORD YOUR GOD WITH ALL YOUR HEART, AND WITH ALL YOUR SOUL, AND WITH ALL YOUR MIND." (Matthew 22:37 He then added that the second most important law was "YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR AS YOURSELF." Jesus said that the entire law was dependent upon these two commandments.


NOW THIS MAKES SENSE TO ME! I think too often we separate romantic love from that of all other kinds of love, or through the English language we have corrupted the true, or Biblical meaning of love. Romantic love, or love that I see stemming from an emotional surge or infatuation must be merged with the love that is defined by the Word of God. Love then becomes a continual decision rather than a feeling. What is true love then? What is a love that never fails? Love is basically caring in action. The Bible explains that God is love. Wow. Think about it. God is the embodiment of love, therefore think of the extreme power and immense importance the concept of love holds. I've learned that not only is love great...it is the GREATEST! Jesus said it himself. The two greatest commandments are to first love the Lord with all your heart, soul, and mind and the second is to love your neighbor as yourself. How simple--Love God, love people...yet we make it so complicated. The world would be transformed if we TRULY loved God and TRULY loved people according to what it says in the Bible. That passage from 1 Corinthians is so powerful--it explains that without love, we are nothing. I've come to the conclusion that because I'm emotionally awkward--I was tripping over the facade of love rather than focusing on the power of love. So it's not that I was chuckling because I don't believe in love--perhaps I just find the emotionality of love to be funny and sometimes ironic. I truly do believe in the power of love, because the "doing" part of love is much of the backbone of my faith. In fact, I see that living without love is impossible and rather undesirable if you ask me. Love is love whether it is your parents, your significant other, your friend, or God, and will be unfailing if it is done in the way the Bible explains. It is obvious to me now that just seeking the definition will tell you whether you are exuding love towards someone and whether someone is doing the same to you. This definition also makes me realize how often we take advantage of those we supposedly love, and we must continually practice love rather than simply saying it. It's a "you love them? let me see how you choose to treat them" scenario. How lucky are we not only to have the love of God, but also the capacity to love and be loved? When we show love or are loved, it's like sharing a bit of the who God is with someone...Now that is awesome!!! The unselfishness and caring that the defines love is what separates it from infatuation and the definitive words like ALWAYS, DOES NOT, and NEVER show that love truly is a decision that needs to be practiced and consistent. So now that we've explored the definition of love and everything it entails, let us be thankful for those who truly love us, and for God, who first loved us!

Keep it classy!

Erin Glynn

Yay Blog!

I'm really sorry I haven't written in this blog in so long. Just kidding. I'm really not sorry.

What can I say? Life's been crazy. By crazy, I mean good. Time is flying, and sometimes I just feel like everything needs to sloooooow dooooown.

Heard such a great message today at third degree of FFA! Definitely some things I needed to hear these days:

It was the "start" segment of the series. We cannot allow fear, and uncertainty stop you from starting something. Sometimes the greatest outcomes are those that are filled with the most uncertainty, and moreover, the greatest RISK. If we are unwilling to ever start something because we fear the outcome, nothing will ever happen. There will simply be lost potential that was never exercised. We will truly always look back and have more regret for the things we didn't start rather than the things we did. So what did I get from this? Sometimes you just gotta roll with it. If you're called to do something, go for it. Uncertainty and fear are not a reason to stop starting! Don't allow yourself to get in the way of the greatest potential you.

On Saturday I get to pick up my favorite and only dog-nephew Tahoe and watch him while Cara and Dustin go away for their anniversary! I'm only slightly excited.



I think I'll be saving my final four blog for next time, because I'm just too lazy right now. I do know you're all excited for it because my sports commentary is always so...unique.

Keep it classy!

-Erin Glynn

24 Update, Another "Only Me" Revelation, and Things I Love

Okay, so the new 24 episode is on tomorrow, so I feel the burning pressure to update tonight. This week's episode was obviously a bridge episode between the action-packed four hour premier, and the rising action that is to come. Renee Walker is completely coo-coo, and as such, I predict with a myriad of other people, that Jack Bauer is going to fall in love with her. She should be careful though...we all saw what happened to his last wife, and Audrey Raines. For some reason though, I think she can take it slightly better than those women. She apparently can act her way out of anything, with her academy-award like performance that saved her from certain death. (Really though, Vlad totally has a thing for her, and probably wouldn't kill her anyway) Apparently freckles and insanity is what all the guys want these days.

Moving on to the "Only Me" revelation of the day. Why do I feel like it's only me who gets the crazy cart EVERY time I go to the store? It has come to the point where it is only expected. I was walking in Target with a shopping cart, only to realize that there is a solitary crippling wheel that not only sways the cart, but makes an embarrassingly loud noise as you walk throughout the store. I'm talking the wheel is shaking like I'm carrying an elephant as the contents of the cart. Even if the cart starts out normally, and I begin to feel victorious and lucky and have a grin on my face, the wheel begins to shake and sputter and my victory soon turns to failure and my grin to grimace. It's only my fate that even if the cart was perfectly normal before I took it, it's point of malfunction would begin when I began pushing it. As I feel like everybody in the electronics department is staring at me like, "Why is this girl walking around with this crazy cart?" the internal struggle begins. Should I walk back and return the cart for a new one? I'm already by the electronics, and if I kind of push down on the cart, the noise isn't as loud as the sonic boom that it usually is, and is stifled to a dull screech. Do I just keep the cart? Even though I'll surely be walking around with it for much further than if I just returned it. What if I go and get a new cart and it inevitably does the same thing? And so I keep trekking in hopes that I find some flawless abandoned cart in the toy aisle or something which proves only to be a figment of a fantasy in my imagination, because only I will always, always get the crazy cart.


After talking so extensively about something I hate (shopping carts), I will now shift my focus during this month of love (February) and talk about a few (or ten) random things that I love in this life:

#1. Pointy-Toed Pumps

While I am aware that I love shoes in general, I need to give some extra love this week to the pointy-toed pump. What's better than a shoe that makes you feel powerful and feminine all at the same time? It's like the pencil skirt's soul mate, and the jean's best friend. Ever-classy and classic, and never out of place, the pointy-toed pump comes in a variety of colors and styles, and can make any outfit go from blah to fabulous. I must say, my black, Nine West, three-inch pumps probably see more of this world than most of my shoes!

#2. Hugs

Let's face it. Hugs are fantastic. What is better than hugging a friend you haven't seen in awhile, or hugging someone in cold weather, or hugging your dog after a bad day? I am a fan particularly of the "jump hug" where you get to exert all your hugging needs.

#3. The Olympics

February 12th, baby. When I'm not broke and I begin to plan all my vacations around where the Olympics are located every two years, I will take pictures for you all. I'm not sure why I love the Olympics. It all started in the 1996 Atlanta games, and never stopped. I'm still planning on becoming a curling master and making it to the Olympics eventually.


#4. Valentines Day

Just kidding.

#5. Basketball

As I watched my little brother's game the other day, I realized that I really do just love the sport. Playing it, watching it, whatever. Basketball is at it's best when I'm just playing some pick up games with family or friends and having fun. Also, does it get any better than March Madness? Get your brackets ready, my friends. March is a-comin'.

#6. Paintings

I'm a humanities major, so I'm allowed this one, right? While my love started with Italian Renaissance paintings, it's simply grown from there. I guess if you write enough 15 page papers about a single painting, you begin to realize the amount of expression it can hold. Three cheers to the girl who accidentally fell into the Picasso at the met the other week, ripping a six inch hole in the 120 million dollar painting. She was in an art appreciation class. I'm sure her teacher does not enjoy her way of expressing appreciation to that Picasso.

#7. Dresses

This is a more recent love I've discovered. Moreso the use of casual dresses. Who says you have to wear jeans everyday? Not I. In the past year or so, I've obtained a new-found love for dresses that I intend on keeping for awhile. Plus, you don't even have to match anything...it's all one piece. No, this is not a permission to wear other one-piece clothing items such as overalls, jumpers, and unitards.

#8.

2010 Quote Page

It's already been far too long. Here goes this year's quote page that I will frequently (or not-so frequently) update...so here's to good quotes that you'll only get if you were there! Say funny things to me, people!



"I also have a few visions for you in the next decade! I see you owning at least 50,000 trench coats, becoming a Gators cheerleader, being the voice over on a few hundred wii games, adopting a child from Sweden and naming it Sven, making a few more additions to the gay community, getting over your fear of commitment, having a butt reduction, getting arrested for stealing democrat campaign signs, losing your cell phone at least 10,000 more times, still have a voicemail message that says your name is "Erin Cameron", spend at at least 6 months in jail with me for a prank gone wrong and...be a missionary." -Tiffany Hendrix

"I'm a frickin' soul collector." -Jon Cagan

Katherine:
see you were there to tell me to dump him and now i'm here to tell you to date him!
LOL
Erin:
whatevs...one day we'll both be married with redheaded babies laughing about all this
Katherine:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHHHHAHAHAHAAAHH
i'm literally laughing out loud....can't take it!!!!

Katherine: "Yeah, we went to the gun range..."
Erin: "Omg, I wanna shoot someone"
Katherine: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"

"I don't use email. I guess that kinda makes me an f-r-e-a-k." -Dr.Kauffman

"I have the worst luck." -Jon Cagan

Erin: "Those won't fit because the shelf is in the way"
Chris: "Stupid shelf. Stop being so shelfish!"

"Happy New Year, mom! We're killing people!" -Jon Cagan

Meghan: Woah, look at dem hipz
Erin: God grant me the serenity to never have hips that big
Katherine: HAHAHAHAHAHA

"After my third divorce, I had many of what you would call...kinda wives. You know, common-law deals where they don't take your money when you break up." -Dr. Kauffman

"Erin, it had to be...it had to be...it...it had to be." -Meghan Lombardi

"Have you ever considered a chin implant?" -Cara Cagan

Erin: "That kid was breathing so loud during class."
Anna: "I know. He has sleep apnea, so I'm always looking over to make sure he's still breathing."

"Attendance is going to help you if you're on the cusp. If you're a genius, I'll just give you A+'s either way." -Dr. Kauffman

"....I would get two coupons for a free Blizzard when I'm on a diet." -Katherine Geoghegan

Bahamas Bound!

Bon Voyage to Megs and I! We are going on a Cruise to the Bahamas for Spring Break! Despite the fact that my mother thinks we're going to fall overboard or get kidnapped, I'm actually quite excited. Furthermore, we are porting in Nassau on our second day, and it just so happens that our fav boys from UF are going to be there! There's unfortunately massive amounts of school standing in front of our wonderful vacation, but this is a great distraction. Who knows? I might even get over my irrational fear of sea animals and go snorkeling.



Today I was feeling sick and decided at the age of 21 that I wanted to be organized, so I decided to write down all my assignments for this semester in my syllabus into a planner. Let me warn you my dear friends and family that this is in fact not a good decision. As I wrote I began to feel overwhelmed, and by the time I got around March, I think I started having heart palpitations. I suddenly felt like everything was due tomorrow or something, and came to the conclusion that mapping things out in advance is a poor idea and will never be practiced by myself again.

As an avid watcher of Bravo, TLC, The Food Network, The Travel Channel, and Discovery Health, I often see some very bizarre television. Being sick today, I was afforded the opportunity to watch hours of pointless madness. After watching the Discovery Health story about the girl who was born with two heads (the attached head being a parasitic twin that literally moved and cried), I proceeded to flip to Bravo, which was showing The Millionaire Matchmaker, who is an obviously Jewish Matchmaker named Patty that tries to find love for millionaires that are a part of her millionaire's club. Let me go ahead and tell you who I'm not impressed with: THE MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER. Patty, who believes herself to be the Mother Theresa of matchmaking thinks she's doing the world such a service by finding people "true love". Really, how hard is it to see what people would be good together? I do this all the time. (Of course not for myself, but that's part of the martyrdom of being a matchmaker) Furthermore, how hard is it to find someone to "LOVE" a millionaire? She literally puts the men in a "mixer" which is really code word for a room filled with more gold-diggers than were in California circa 1849. They then just get to hand-pick whoever they want out of said mixer, kind of like a person picking out their favorite puppy out of a litter at the local pound. If they just so happen to hit it off, Patty gets the credit for "matching" them, when in reality she just tore the millionaire away from his work long enough to conveniently pick a desperate LA waitress/actress out of a room. Really, Patty...if you can find a match for Joe-Schmo who makes seven dollars an hour, works at the local Taco Bell, has less teeth than he does fingers, and drives an 1982 LeBaron, then I'll be impressed. Until then, I consider myself just as good a match maker as you, Miss Patty.



On the subject of Gator Basketball, Saturday night's game was out of control exciting. Mr.Parsons racked up his second game-winner this season as he drilled a three with nothing left on the clock, giving Florida another, and their third very important conference win. I must say, I'm proud of Walker for not pulling up for a 30 footer at the end of the game like I thought he would. I think it's safe to say that passing to Parsons at the end of the game is a solid choice. Go Gators!

Not having class on Mondays is A+ my friends. In fact, Mondays are so pleasant these days, I am learning to hate Tuesdays with the fiery passion that I used to reserve for Mondays.

Keep it Classy!

Erin Glynn

The Four Day Weekend Return

Oh wait, every weekend is a four day weekend for me. Heh.

Can I tell you I am so glad Kieffer Southerland abstained for more than a week from getting a DUI, so that 24 could continue?? Okay, because I like to live vicariously through 24, because I want to be a CTU agent, I will most definitely be blogging about Day 8. I think this magnifies my nerd status far more than I'd like to admit.

Let's recap on the 4 hour (yes, four hour) premier of Day 8 that occurred Sunday and Monday. Jack is apparently pulling out of all government (not that he ever really listened to the government) activity and moving to LA to be with my favorite character (note sarcasm) Kim, and his granddaughter, who named a stuffed bear... "bear". Either way, the only reason I believe Kim has lived this entire time is that if she died, Jack would probably just go on a mass killing frenzy and melt into a psychotic mess. Of course he is unable to leave when he is approached by an informant who notifies him that there is a planned assassination at the UN. The CTU is now reestablished and in tact, and there's a few new characters introduced: New leader of CTU (Mr.Hastings) Who was an idiot the first few episodes, but is assuredly coming around and realizing the only option is to let Bauer run a-muck and do what he wants (aka save millions of people). Dana Walsh aka Jenny, who is senior data analyst and slightly annoying. She has some overwhelming secret that is being threatened by some crazy ex-boyfriend that I'm sure will be dragged out for far too long. Cole Ortiz who is Dana's fiance and played by none other than...Freddie Prinze Jr. HAHAHA. I almost died when I saw that, but he seems to be pretty legit for now. (I trust no one in 24. He could be a Russian terrorist for all I know.)

In the second episode there is a return by none other than Renee Walker, and she has gone ABSOLUTELY INSANE! Little miss FBI-don't-hurt-anyone has returned in unbelievable too good to be true, coincidental 24 fashion. She was let go from the FBI for performing a Baueresque interrogation at the end of last season. Welcome to the CTU, Renee, where anything flies. Either way, she just so happens to have done a two year undercover stint with the Russians and is the ONLY agent that CTU can use for this operation. And so, he is used to drag Jack back in because he is scared for her well-being, because she looks like a greasy-haired hot violent mess when she shows up to CTU. I must say, I'm slightly saddened by Renee's return, because her and Jack's constant bickering and emotional squabbling is kind of annoying. I miss the days where Jack was a crazy CTU renegade for his own agenda. I almost wished Jack had really shot her in that staged killing they did in the beginning of Day 7. Then again, Renee does saw the hand off of a Russian at the end of the second episode, so maybe she's coming around. Jack pretends to be horrified, but on the inside I think he's proud and impressed.


In other news, Gator Basketball has finally won a conference game! They defeated LSU on Saturday night, hopefully kickstarting some great conference play from here on out. Also on Saturday night, we decided to visit Jon. We went out to dinner, and when we returned, a large tree had fallen on his car and totaled it. For some reason this doesn't surprise me. Poor Jon.

The 2010 Olympics begin February 12th, and I think to say I'm excited would be an understatement. Let's see if we can outdo those crazy Germans, who won the medal race in the Torino games.

I've been doing my 100 pushup challenge for two weeks now, and I did my exhausting exhaustion test on Sunday. I managed to max out at 47 pushups which is not only a major increase from my initial test, but also surprising because I possess 0.0 upper body strength. I am now in the highest bracket and have four weeks to add 53 push ups. I will update at my four week exhaustion test!

As I type this blog, I do it with pink nail polish on my fingers that I have rediscovered a love for now that I'm not a server. Goodness, I love my job!

It seems that Mr.Scott Brown, or now U.S. Senator Scott Brown has won theelection! Along with their myriad of sports teams I despise, and their uncanny ability to elect liberal nutjobs time and time again, it seems that MA could do no right. Don't fret, because it could be that the tide is turning, so Congratulations to MA and to Scott Brown! Maybe soon I'll become a Red Sox, Patriot, or Celtics fan!.....Yeah right.



Keep it classy,

Erin Glynn

People I Dislike on Campus

As the semester begins, and I find myself around multitudes of college students, I begin to realize those I am disgruntled with. Really, I do like most people on campus, but talking about them wouldn't be any fun, would it? There are those who continuously do annoying things, and this is the day they are called out via Erin's blog. I now send out a disclaimer that if you are one of them, you should probably change your ways because I really don't want to be friends with you. (Just kidding) I've decided to compile the top ten campus offenders on this very blog. These are in no particular order, because if you do fall into one of these groups, I don't want to show the level of malice I hold towards you. Please, look out for these people on a campus near you:

#1- The Longboarders

Really, I know it's extremely difficult and inconvenient to walk to class and all, but I sometimes want to stick my foot out and stop the longboarders in their paths. Why? Because it seems that they find it necessary to show their unparalleled longboarding skills that nobody cares about, and do so by weaving in and out of us lowly walkers. Apparently it's bonus longboarding skill points if you can get as close to said walker while weaving as possible, even though it's not necessary. I know that it's truly primitive of us to walk to class, but don't get mad when you have to slow down your pseudo-California lifestyle for a moment while we put one foot in front of the other. Today was witness to a longboarder screaming "EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME! WATCH OUT! COMING THROUGH!" as nearly hit each person he was passing. I say we either establish a campus-wide ban on longboarders, or give them their own especially bumpy sidewalks so they will occasionally fall which will commence pedestrian laughter.

#2-The Faux Leaver

Because the University of South Florida has fifty thousand students and seventeen parking spots, it can sometimes be quite competitive to acquire a parking spot. Darwinist theories of "survival of the fittest" becomes a reality as only the keen eyed and malicious make it to class on time. This brings my hatred for this next group of people who are the "Faux Leaver". It is customary that as somebody walks out to their car to leave, that about thirteen other cars begin to stalk them in hopes that they will be the one to get a parking spot. The worst kind of person is a person who doesn't signal that they are not in fact leaving campus. While other people are grabbing spots that you could be fighting for, this person is taking your attention, while they have no real intention of leaving campus. And so, they take out their keys, and put folders in their car....then cease to get in their car in leave. They then have the audacity to generally look at you like you are crazy or creepy for sitting there waiting for them. WHY? Do you like the attention? Do you enjoy ruining people's lives? Do you not have the motor skills to signal that you are not leaving? Are you just that oblivious? The Faux Leaver has been categorized in my book a horrible and inconsiderate person, and they too should be banned from campus.

#3-The Obnoxiously Loud Headphone Listener

This person is definitely a library culprit. This is the person who has a laptop, and sits in a practically silent library and somehow doesn't realize that every person on the entire floor can hear their blaring headphones. Why do you think it's a good idea to use the maximum volume while using your headphones? Is the source of the sound not shoved into your ear? Furthermore, why even use headphones? Assuredly, these will be the same people asking the professor to repeat something in class because they are suffering from early-onset deafness. (Refer to number 5) If I can hear what you're listening to through my headphones, it's probably too loud. Really, nobody wants to hear your Young Jeezy club remix anyway. Disposal of headphones or campus banning is a good resolution to this issue.

#4-The Club Recruiter

Now, I know this probably isn't their fault, because these clubs can only thrive if they acquire a cult-like following, but it doesn't take away from how annoying it is. The fact that USF brags that they have over 500 clubs is genuinely not a good thing. Why? Because clubs equal club recruiting the first few weeks of the semester. I think I've been offered enough pamphlets to annihilate an entire rain forest. Soon my polite, "No, I would not like to join your save the cows from brutal butchering club (whose pamphlets and signs are complete with appetite suppressing pictures of dismembered livestock) Thanks." Will turn to, "I'VE JUST BEEN FOOLED BY FOUR FAUX LEAVERS (refer to number 2), I'M TWENTY MINUTES LATE FOR CLASS, AND YOUR CLUB IS A JOKE...WHAT DO YOU WANT????" If I want to join a club, I'm going to go look for it. No need to follow me with your free pens and florescent colored handouts. The ones who give out free bagels in the morning are the exception, however. I think that clubs should only be able to recruit those who are already in clubs. The club civil war would be nothing short of entertaining.

#5-The Incessant Question Asker

The incessant question asker is that person who sits in class for what seems to be no other reason than to ask stupid questions. There's a few reasons the incessant question asker asks these questions and we will review these reasons so that you know how to better deal with an incessant question asker. The first reason they will continually ask questions is that they ironically like to try and prove how smart they are by asking the said question, when in reality they sound like a pretentious moron. Usually it will be repeating what the professor has just said, but in a different way, because they like to seem intelligent and like an out-of-the-box thinker, or it will be by stating some irrelevant factual correlation to the subject so they seem to be an expert on the subject, when in fact they are just wasting everybody's time. For instance, if the professor says, "Diego Valezquez was a Spanish Baroque Painter," The incessant question asker will say something to the affect of, "So what you're saying is that Diego Valezquez painted ornately, with bright hues and idealistic representations of humanity?????" or "I know that Diego Valezquez studied in Italy as a child. This probably had an affect on his choice of style, right????" Nobody cares how smart you are, and nobody is impressed by your apparent knowledge in the form of manipulated questions. Why don't you just go on Jeopardy, where all trivia answers are in the form of a question? The second reason incessant question askers will ask questions incessantly is because they really are that dumb. This becomes quite prevalent in math classes--and usually when everybody continually gets the concept with the exception of that incessant question asker. These people are the worst in classes that would otherwise be let out early, and when the professor has office hour tutoring. The third reason a person becomes an incessant question asker is because they are apparently deaf, or really just are distracted by other things such as texting (See Number 6), and decide to ask the professor to repeat the concept they just missed by choosing to momentarily live in their own little world. Because I'm guilty myself, I do not have a problem with people who don't listen in class. I do however have a problem with those that don't listen, then decide it's their God-given right to have their own personal showing of the day's lecture because they were too lazy to listen the first time. Beware of Incessant question askers in classes with teachers who enable them because they enjoy going on tangents, and classes that possess more than one incessant question asker, where you will proceed to get nothing done the entire semester. Duct tape over the mouth, or campus banishment are perfect solutions to the incessant question asker epidemic.

#6-The I Have to Text Someone Every 2.3 Seconds

I understand that this is a texting generation, but this is getting out of control. The I have to text someone every 2.3 seconds is becoming more and more prevalent on college campuses everywhere. I like to text as much as the next person, but when people's texts add up to be longer than Obama's health care reform bill in one day of texting, this becomes a problem. With the Longboarders (Refer to number one) whirling about, and people constantly with their heads down texting, it's a wonder anybody gets to class alive. They are also guilty of letting doors slam in your face, walking in front of cars, and answering tests with text lingo such as, "omg the revolutionary war waz gr8! LOL." The I have to text someone every 2.3 seconds does not cease to text while in class, in the bathroom, walking up the stairs, or in the library. They too are a library culprit along with the obnoxiously loud headphone listener (refer to number 3). Most of these I have to text someone every 2.3 seconds sit in the library with their phones on vibrate, and instead of keeping it in their pocket or bag, must place it on the table, so the entire library can hear how popular they are with the ungodly amount of texts they receive. Between these 2.3 seconds they are usually doing things such as checking their phone just to make sure they didn't miss a text, even though their phone vibrating tops out at about 4,000 decibels and can be heard by everyone. Their ignorance to the annoyance of their vibrations is almost as impressive as their finger speed, which must top out at about 80 words per minute. At one text every 2.3 seconds, that's a lot of words. The I have to text someone every 2.3 seconds is generally a relational offender (Refer to #8) who can't be separated from their significant other for more than...well, 2.3 seconds, as well as an incessant question asker (Refer to #5)

#7-The Mass Emailer

The mass emailer is that person who chooses to send the entire class an email for every question or concern they have. Mass emailers can be highly correlated to incessant question askers (refer to number four) because they can't even contain their question asking inside of the classroom, or are generally people who miss class and instead of asking one person for the notes they missed the last class, they must email everybody in the class with a glimmering hope that someone will send them via email so they don't have to copy them down themselves. If you're in a bind, I understand. Go ahead and mass email. Otherwise, stop annoying everybody by emailing the entire class every time you're absent (which the mass emailers generally average about 15-25% attendance) Mass Emailers tend to mass email about things that are already answered in the syllabus, things you can find on google, or Here's a few examples of the mass emails I received last semester:

*Was anybody as floored about their grade on the exam that I was??
*Hey, I've been absent a lot. Can someone email me their journal?
*Does anybody know when our paper is due?
*What inch margins are used for MLA papers?

Please mass emailers, stop the madness. Revoking email is a great solution to the mass emailer problem.

#8-The Inseparable Couple

The inseparable couple is that couple that just can't seem to be separated. They must hold hands at all times, and public displays of affection are par for the course. If you are walking towards them in a small hallway, and they are clasped hand in hand, get ready to be clothes-lined, because hand separation is not an option. Longboard (Refer to number one) and inseparable couple encounters can be a very dangerous happening for both parties. The inseparable couple will switch majors just so they have all the same classes, and if the (God forbid) event occurs that they don't have the same class, they walk hand in hand together to (usually) the females class, where they embrace for as long as possible, like one of them is going off to war or something. During this embrace they usually have faces of anguish because they must tear themselves away from each other, even though their practice of I have to text someone every 2.3 seconds (refer to number six) will truly come into play during this class, as they retain constant textual contact with one another. This section is not due to the fact that I don't have a boyfriend and I am bitter. It is due to the fact that I've almost been run over by these couples because they have some magnetic force in their hands, or cannot walk through a door because that doorway is their chosen place of embracing. Watch out for inseparable couple hybrids, such as the inseparable- longboarding couple, or the inseparable-incessant-question-asking couple. Usually this solution takes care of itself, because they tend to break up every 2-3 months, so it's just a matter of time before they latch on to somebody else.

#9- The Starbucks Dweller

The Starbucks dweller is someone who seems to live in the campus Starbucks. They are rarely drinking coffee, and are usually accompanied by nobody and a laptop. As you try to go and get some coffee with some friends, and find a seat in Starbucks, you are stopped by the Starbucks dweller who usually takes it upon themselves to sit at the table with the most amount of seating, so that there are only single-chair tables left. The Starbucks dweller for some reason cannot bear to sit in one of the forty eight thousand other internet available seats on campus, but must park themselves at the biggest table for hours, while usually writing things such as term papers, or a thesis. These people usually have Macs and and they generally like to seem ultra-trendy as they do their work in the campus coffee shop. Can't you go to another Starbucks? Or better yet, the library?The Starbucks dweller is not at Starbucks to receive the caffeine they need to finish an assignment, because they are usually caught drinking some sort of caffeine-free soy chai tea that probably tastes as bad as their dwelling offenses. The Starbucks dweller is usually a part of some kind of literature club (refer to number four), and will pile all their books on the table that only consist of classics such as The Great Gatsby, War and Peace, and Don Quixote. The entirety of these books will most likely be read at the campus Starbucks, where the Starbucks dweller is at its most intelligent. Guarding against the Starbucks dweller can be hard, but can usually be coerced to go to a smaller table if you threaten them with violence and unkind words, as they are usually peace-makers.

#10- Campus Police

Need I say more? The campus police must be the Police Academy rejects (or the police academy incessant question askers). I really don't know what these police do besides ruin everybody's campus existence. Because the parking is taken care of by USF's own breed of heartless officers, the Campus Police seems to do nothing but annoy everybody and flirt with college-aged females. It seems that while the campus police are busy pulling people over for their music being too loud, or a broken headlight, there is some real catastrophe happening that they are simply not there for. They can usually be found at the campus Dunkin Donuts, in their patrol cars sleeping, or in female dominated major buildings, such as elementary education and women's studies. The campus police should not be given a taser gun for the sole purpose of eradicating campus offenders 1-9. Otherwise, they are simply unneeded and a waste of our tax dollars and tuition.

-Erin Glynn